32nd Screwtape Letter Fragment Discovered

I’m so excited to share a discovery I made that I’m not waiting to publish it later (like some more respected scholars would do). Although I’ll probably released a revised version soon in The Babylon Bee or The Onion.

As the title suggests, I’ve come across a fragment of what appears to be a previously undiscovered letter from Screwtape! I came across the unfinished piece while on an Inklings walk guided by Dr. Hal Poe. Another participant noticed something unusual while we paused between buildings and looked inside only to discover the filming of the Inspector Morse show. I met the actor (his name is not important to this tale) and we struck up a short conversation. Turns out he had on him this questionable written piece and freely gave it to me because he heard of my enhanced study guide called C.S. Lewis Goes to Hell. He assured me that his nephew found it at a secondhand bookshop in the back of a copy of The Screwtape Letters. I told this to Stan Shelley, noted collector and seller of Inklings items and he stormed off rather quickly…I’m sure to locate the bookstore (or it could have been to the toilet, as he had been drinking one of those big 32oz drinks from the local Sheets gas station).

The fragment in question is transcribed below, but I also need to say that I sent pictures of the handwritten piece to Dr. Charlie Starr, the nomad, and handwriting Lewis scholar. His statement to me was that he’d not only stop wearing his signature hat, but eat it, if someone else found it to not be authentic!

Dr. Don King, noted U.S. expert on Lewis’ poetry was upset with the finding because he feared it would overshadow an early poem he discovered the day before written by Lewis when he was just five. (Spoiler Alert) It’s rather short, I don’t know why it would be noteworthy…after all, it only says: “I’m a poet and I know it.”

I waited until about midnight to reveal the news to Dr. Hal Poe and his only comment before abruptly hanging up on me was, “This is embarrassing, next thing you know it will be revealed that Lewis and his wife, Joy were lovers of disco music.”

Without further ado about nothing (to quote Shakespeare, or was it his brother?):

My Dear Wormwood’s Father,

     I write to inform you of your son’s failure as I had already predicted to you. Ever since you married my sister and pushed your child from a previous marriage into the Training College, I warned you nothing good would come of it! But being a good brother I did what I could…I even gave him an easy assignment. As a result I do hope you aren’t seriously considering sending your other son, Snaggletooth through the college. And also… 

I’m afraid that is where the fragment ends. As you can guess, this discovery will surely change the shape of Lewis studies for many decades to come. That’s because others will no doubt visit Oxford and wonder around the streets in search of their random opportunity to find such a great treasure of fool’s gold as I have found.